I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
