I hate your face
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
