just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
