i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
