Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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