Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need water and some morals
Randomize
