Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
