I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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