Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
