foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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