I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize