He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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