I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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