I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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