Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
