Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
