Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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