I smell stomach acid.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
