Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
