Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
