Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
