I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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