butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
