69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
