I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
