We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize