when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
