I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
