Fine. I'll sleep in my office
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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