i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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