She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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