Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
