just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
