you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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