So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
