They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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