she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
