Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
