I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
