I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
