I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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