her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
