he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
