I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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