im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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