I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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