the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
