dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
