DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
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she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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