hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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