Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
