Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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