is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
