you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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