I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
