That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
