Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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