Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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