Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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