I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
