this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
