One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
