And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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