I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
