Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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