please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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