I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
