You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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