So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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