Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
