The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
