I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
