if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
