Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
