My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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