Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
