i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
