Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
